Hurt and the holidays

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This has been a roller coaster of a year. I was crying in my house as the ball dropped and the new 2014 year started. The stress and difficulty of the holidays just being too much for me.

Since then, I have been happy, I’ve been sad, I have been picked up and dumped, I’ve been disappointed by people, I’ve made changes, I turned 30, I went to Italy, I found new and amazing family, I evaluated 30 years of life, I acknowledged emotional issues I never thought I would admit, I thought about going back to Italy, I enjoyed many vacations, I stood behind my new sister for her wedding, I watched my big brother marry the love of his life, I watched my younger brother propose to his, I admired two men who have grown and become examples of good men, I got into photography, I got a puppy, I loved my puppy, I lost my puppy, I gave up a home, I found my heart, I had my heart broken, I started mentoring again, I have been separated from friends, I lost hope, I found hope again, I reconnected with people, I let people go, I read my blog to smile, I began the pursuit of happiness… and I realized I am good enough.

Rejection is a powerful thing. I blame rejection for having the need to realize I am good enough. So technically, I have learned the lesson that was for me in that rejection. I am not saying, by any means, that it happens just with the snap of a finger, and surely there will still be difficult times. I am just saying that I think I’ve figured it out.

Most people do not realize the power they hold, just in their simple and common ability to reject another person. When rejection comes from a person you love, a person you don’t expect to hurt you or a person who never should, it can change your life. It can make you bitter…. Or it can make you strong.

I believe there is a reason for everything but that does not change how hard it can be when you are going through it. There is a lesson in every rejection and in a lot of cases, later on down the road, you find the reason that it happened. It is sometimes so hard to hold onto hope that one day you will understand or accept it, but it is necessary.

I understand. I know how it feels to be rejected by one of the people who should never want to, or have the ability or willingness to reject me. My siblings feel it too, all three of them. I know how it feels to be rejected by others too, but it doesn’t compare. I am here to tell you though that it gets better. People will love you enough, if you let them, to get through it. People are also willing to help, if you are willing to ask for it. Sometimes it is a grieving process, and even if that person is still living… You have to grieve the loss. I know, trust me, I know it is not a pretty process but it is life. It will make you strong in the end. It will make you value meaningful relationships and it will make you eliminate fake ones. It will make you appreciate the time you have with loved ones and appreciate having them to prioritize.

The reality is that the holiday time creates more awareness, loneliness and depression for some. For others, it is a happy time and you get so caught up that you can’t realize that someone in your own house is struggling. The battle to smile through while thinking you are not good enough or you don’t have enough is real. You don’t want to take away from the holiday for family and friends so you stay quiet, even isolate yourself in some cases. You don’t tell anyone and you put on a brave face to get through it. You are not alone.

This is what I have learned this year though: no one person or how they treat you can define you or your worth. You may think it can if you let it, but in reality it can’t. Be you. Live the way you want to. Don’t be apologetic for who you are and don’t let anyone change you. You are bigger than the person or situation that is holding you down. If you feel rejected, hang in there…. It will get better.

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